One who enjoys finding errors will then start creating errors to find. ~ Killosophy
Words from 17 days ago
If you read this on the day it is released, I will be returning from a trip planned, at least theoretically, more than three years ago. One of the locations on our itinerary has a latitude of 51.509865°. As I write this post on 9-4, I am sitting at a latitude of 35.7604°, which is much farther south. Because of this differential, I am already anticipating cooler temperatures (translation: I’ll be cold). Since I’ve previously visited this faraway location, I know to expect rainy weather (I’ll be wet and cold) and unfamiliar food (I may get hungry and might not have a satisfying way to stuff myself).
Nonetheless, I have expectations of meeting charming people and seeing family members I can’t wait to see and viewing wildly beautiful landscapes I haven’t laid my eyes on for over five years. I don’t have to wonder about any of that. It’s what I’m looking for, and it’s what I will find.
How does what you're looking for impact what you find?
I searched unsuccessfully for the written version of the story I’m going to tell, as my memory may not do the narrative any favors. Hopefully, the moral of the story will survive.
Long ago, service stations actually provided service and weren’t solely convenience stores with gas pumps. When a car rolled up to one of the six (yes, only six) pumps and stopped, an attendant would hustle out to the driver’s door and ask, “Fill ‘er up?” Usually the driver would want a full tank and while he waited, the attendant would make conversation. Here’s how one conversation played out.
“Are you folks new in town?’
“Yes, we bought the house down on Maple. Just moved here from a little town on the other end of the state.”
“Was that a nice town?”
The driver immediately responded, “Wonderful! Friendly neighbors. Great shops. How are the people here?”
The attendant responded, “I think you’ll find exactly the same experience here.” Then the driver paid his bill and drove on down the road.
Soon another car pulled up next to the pump that was just vacated, and the attendant asked the same questions. Yes on the fill-up, but the response on the prior town where the family lived was different.
“What an awful place. Rude, inconsiderate bunch of no-goods like you never saw in your life. How are people here?”
The attendant answered, “I think you’ll find exactly the same experience here.”
While it’s true some places are better than others and some people are kinder and more considerate than others, our expectations can influence outcomes.
Going forward
When I return to Tennessee, I will expect my comforting “distant mountain view” (as the appraiser called it–insert eye roll here) and my cats and my friendly neighbors. If I wanted to, I could find other, less welcoming sights to focus on. Likely there will be moments in the coming weeks when I do exactly that. But why apply a filter that sees aggravation to the exclusion of so much good?
I am not recommending a Pollyanna, head-in-the-sand approach. I’m just saying that when you look for something to complain about, you will likely find it. On the flip side, I can look instead for the upside and assume good intent by other drivers, for example, who are momentarily annoying. It costs me nothing and it might be a boon to my inner peace.
I may need to work on that. You?
My first thought was “self fulfilling prophecy “. Generally, we optimists have happier lives. I’ll take Pollyanna over Negative Nelly any day.
Totally agree. I feel for people whose glass is always half-empty. Mine is half-full and refillable!
People treat you the way you train them to treat you. If people are rude, ignore them…..there is no higher form of insult.
I completely agree. An infrequent event. 😉