Who do you want to be, down the road?

But beware of this about callings: they may not lead us where we intended to go or even where we want to go. If we choose to follow, we may have to be willing to let go of the life we already planned and accept whatever is waiting for us. And if the calling is true, though we may not have gone where we intended, we will surely end up where we need to be. ― Steve Goodier

I know I am in good company when I wonder why I am here. Recently I was listening to a friend’s podcast (see link below) and he mentioned this, too, but with a slightly different perspective. As for my take on purpose, for years I looked for some grand opportunity to change a life, maybe even save a life. Eventually I decided that I was considering the issue with the wrong goal in mind. Maybe my vision was in the realm of Mother Teresa. The problem was that a) I have never had her skillsets, and b) there will only ever be one of her. I wasn’t the one to get that casting call.

Eventually my focus on the reason for my existence brought me to a theory. What if my job, my purpose, is to be as prepared as I can be for what comes next, considering my mental capabilities and physical limitations?  What if I only need a few words in Spanish or a few phrases in ASL to speak to someone who needs those words at a specific time? There is such a thing as the paralysis of analysis, after all, and it’s far too prevalent. Maybe I was overthinking. Maybe the answer was simple. You know, an Occam’s Razor kind of answer. Thus I began to draw on my own experiences to see how people had changed my life. 

Here are a few examples of small things that offered memorable results.

More than a decade ago, I experienced a bit of bullying by someone who appeared to harbor an irrational aversion to all things Gayle. Odd, I know. The most brutal display occurred in a department meeting. To set the stage, that particular manager had had eyes on me for a few months, and the word promotion was not front of mind.

Self-preservation and my mortgage motivated me to be as conciliatory as possible in every interaction with that individual. That’s why a verbal attack in front of my peers caught me by surprise. I had made a perfectly reasonable (I thought) comment in response to an announcement, and the aforementioned individual launched into an excoriating tirade against me. A co-worker standing behind me put her hands on my shoulders and defended my position. 

Did it change the speaker’s mind? Was my work environment more pleasant immediately? Absolutely not. Did her kind, supportive words give me hope that eventually everything would work out? Yes. Did she require super powers to make this happen? No. She had the courage to stand up for someone she thought was getting unfairly slammed. That’s all. But that was enough.

In another work-related episode, I was struggling to deliver a webinar when I really should have been at the doctor’s office. My work ethic (or perhaps my control issues?) prevented me from calling in sick, just as it had on other occasions. My manager was 700 miles away, but the manager in the adjacent cubicle called 911 when she heard the pain in my voice and my struggle to breathe. And I may have been weeping. Ok. I was definitely sobbing. After the ambulance arrived and whisked me off, both she and her manager drove to the emergency room and sat with me until my husband arrived. Both of them went out of their way for someone who wasn’t even a direct report, someone who wasn’t even in the same organizational chart. 

Did their actions save my life? Probably not. While I very likely needed to be shoved toward a medical professional, it is unlikely I would have expired before I went home that night. Heaven only knows how long I would have put off seeking medical attention, but that’s beside the point. The kindness exhibited changed how I felt about the group in whose midst I worked.

To switch gears a bit, there are many examples in the Bible of people who did small things that had big impacts. Think about how many of them we’re still reading about today, 3000 years later. If nothing else, there’s Saul, whose father sent him to look for lost donkeys. Saul’s journey led him to the location where Samuel was looking for the next king of Israel. Saul obeyed his father and walked right into his calling. (See I Samuel, Chapter 9.)

 Reuben prevented his brothers from killing Joseph, which ultimately saved the whole family from starving. Boaz directed his workers to leave extra grain for Ruth and Naomi. I don’t know it for a fact, but I strongly suspect neither Saul, nor Boaz nor Naomi was perfect or even bilingual. They were just doing what they believed they should be doing at the time.

All that said, I sometimes I wish God would just send an email with specific direction. Which path should I take to facilitate the best outcome for my meager contribution? That is, what does He consider my greatest gifts and what, exactly, is He expecting me to do with them? Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. I do believe He makes Himself known and sometimes I just don’t know where to look. Or perhaps I’m not listening when He’s talking.  

You?