We hear only our own voices, still echoes returning to our emptiness. ~ The Sun Watches the Sun
Not really. We do hear other people, but when we hear ourselves, we listen differently because we are surprised by what we’re hearing. Lest you misunderstand, I’m referring to how you feel when you hear your own voice while watching a video or listening to a recording. Who is that? Yes, it’s you. But why don’t you recognize yourself?
A little auditory surprise
The most recent experience I had with this was last year when a friend (thank you, Mike!) converted a 30-year old VCR recording into a DVD. I desperately wanted the conversion to be successful, because it contained Daddy’s voice, and I hadn’t heard him speak since he died in 1990. However, I got more than I expected, because I was on that video, too.
Oh, I was quite pleased with my last-century, youthful face. But my voice. So odd. It was me, but not me. The timbre. The pitch. Not mine. And I sounded so … Dixie Carter. So stereotypically southern. Not saying that’s a bad thing, but the difference was unnerving.
Why don't I recognize my own voice?
I have thought about this question before but have never done the research. The answer is, of course, science. The sounds that humans make travel through the air, as described by Wonderopolis. However, you hear your own voice not only through the air, but also through the reverberations against bone and tissues to reach the cochlea. These vibrations also make your voice sound deeper to you than it does to anyone else listening.
This means that for however many years you’ve been using your vocal chords and your ears, you have been sending messages that sounded like one thing to you, and something else entirely to your listeners. Not only that, but The Guardian tells us (and the TED Talk video below reinforces) that your recorded voice can reflect a range of emotions: anxiety, anger, sadness, and other details that you may not have meant to share. It would be lovely to get a transcript of our subconscious messages, yes?
What do you hear? Are you disappointed?
As I’ve already expressed, I wasn’t happy with the way I sounded when I heard the 1980-something version of myself. The voice I was hearing was not the one that I thought I was using, and that matters to many of us more than we might think. Marc Pell, in the Guardian article referenced above, tells us that part of our identity is in our voices. And if we aren’t received as we think we’re transmitting, we perceive a disconnect. This is similar to our surprise when we learned about Foley art, and that those weren’t horses’ hooves we were hearing in the Westerns. Another illusion dashed.
Just for a moment, ladies, imagine that you have always heard words rolling off your tongue that sounded as silky as Thandie Newton, but when you hear yourself recorded, you sound more like Fran Drescher. No offense to the latter, but you might be taken aback. Or for the men, you think your vibes are similar to Morgan Freeman, but instead, the recording tells you that ever since you said da-da, you have sounded just like Bob Goldthwait. Ok. I’m exaggerating. Your voice isn’t going to be THAT different than you imagined. I hope. But you take my point.
So then what?
There are a few options open for those of you who can’t abide the sound of your voice. You know, the way you think it sounds to others. You can contact a voice coach and modify your delivery to some extent. You could simply talk less and use non-verbals or you could text everyone and call no one. However, those options seem extreme, especially since very few of us know exactly how we sound. No, that video recording probably wasn’t entirely accurate.
To be able to hear what you sound like in a given room, you’d need high-quality equipment to record a conversation, and you still wouldn’t know exactly what you sound like to any other person. How would anyone be able to communicate something that subjective? Besides, not every person has good hearing. For example, some folks can’t hear high-frequency sounds and others can’t hear low pitch. So there’s that factor as well as the quality of the acoustics where you’re speaking. Musicians and vocalists will tell you that they can make more beautiful music in a room where sound waves behave, and not every room is that gracious. Your voice may sound different depending on the location and the human receiver.
So you say you have a high-quality recording and you hope never to hear it again? Well, you don’t have to. The voice you hear in your head, well, that’s yours forever. For free. And think about this. The voice that is foreign to you is the voice your children heard before they were born. It is the sweetest sound in the world to every human, dog, and cat who loves you. Even if that’s only a handful of souls, I don’t think I’d want to tamper with it.
You?
Very interesting! I’m glad to know my voice isn’t as deep as it sounds to me. Although I have to admit, no one has ever called me mister while on a phone call.
I don’t think your voice is deep, but clearly I’m no judge of what anybody sounds like. Except Bobcat Goldthwaite. I’m sure about him. 😉
I should
Probably opt for the advice Aaron Burr gave to young Alexander Hamilton in the Play:
“ Talk Less………
Smile more……..”
Good advice for many of us.
I have a project going to record my latest book, “Motorcycle MisAdventures-Humorous Short Stories” into an audio book. A musician friend loaned me the studio recording gear and I padded the walls of a large downstairs closet. I have no issue with me hearing a better quality version than my listeners. Not my monkey, not my circus.
I’ll be looking forward to hearing that!
A coworker recently told me that I should do voiceovers for cartoons. I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.
Well, you probably know how she intended it. 😉 You do have a unique voice, though. It’s a bit husky and you articulate differently from other Midwest accents. I would never mistake your voice for anyone else’s.