Lean on me when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend;
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long ’til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on. ~ Bill Withers
Tell me you didn’t sing that. Seriously, I doubt you sang out loud, but you must be familiar with the lyrics. Have you ever thought about them, though? Do you remember people who were there to help you through a tough time, perhaps even if they weren’t asked? I’ll go first.
Context to prime the pump
Yep, that's me on the wall (photo credit Cindy Whiteford Davis). The other photos are dark, but you get the idea of the height of the wall, and the fact that when we came down, it was on a swing.
A little unexpected help
Our class faced the wall that afternoon underneath an overcast sky (as you see from the photos), but conditions didn’t lead to rain. No excuse there. I watched as all the other students and faculty rose to the occasion, no pun intended. Everyone went in pairs, spaced about 10′ apart on the wall’s face. Well, everyone except me and one other person. She also exhibited a definite lack of enthusiasm about the prospect of scaling the wall.
We finally surrendered to the inevitable and walked over to get harnessed up. My classmate had a SMART goal of reaching 6′ and then returning to earth. I thought I could reach the top, and I did. I would not have made it, however, without the belay team. They provided superhuman assistance to keep me moving up each time I mustered the energy to take a step. I received even better support a different way, though.
After my classmate reached her goal, I continued alone. One person in the group decided that wasn’t happening. Well, not alone, anyway. Coach Dede Pendleton* stepped up and donned the harness AGAIN. Yes, she had already climbed. No, she wasn’t obligated to help the most reluctant climber in the group.
By the time Coach joined me, I was up 10-15′, but she easily outpaced me, reaching the top first. When I eventually made it to the edge of the platform and the young man helped me navigate to the backside, Coach had already changed from one harness to another. *Coach Pendleton is now head coach for the women’s softball team at the University of Northern Colorado.
The rest of the story
Once we were both ready (or as ready as I’d ever be), we moved to the 2′ extension of the platform (the one the young man is standing on in the top picture) and then counted to 3. At that point, we took a big step toward thin air and OFF the platform, swinging toward terra firma. Or plain terror, depending on your mindset. When the swing finally slowed significantly, we were still hanging about 6′ above ground. Staff brought ladders over and assisted us in climbing down and taking high fives from the poor souls who thought they’d have to sleep on the ground, considering the lengthy wait time for me to get ‘er done.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a great sense of accomplishment as I did that day. In spite of the fact that I couldn’t have reached a small portion of the altitude required without the belay team, that wasn’t the half of it. A refusal to be a quitter fueled my motivation to some degree. However, I also refused to give up on Coach’s expectations. How could I chicken out in the face of sacrificial support?
A tiny look at why "we" help others
Some of you may remember another post where I recounted the kindness of a stranger. In that narrative, I mentioned an ill-fated drive to the Indy airport. That trip hit a snag when my car failed to execute its ONE job–getting me to the airport parking lot. As it stalled out, I managed to pull out of traffic onto the berm. A kind gentleman interrupted his rush hour commute to Cummins to stay with me and my broken-down car. Yes, I was the one mentioned on the local news that day as the source of gawker’s block on I-465 S.
If he hadn’t been able–and willing–to call the wrecker with his car phone, and if a policeman hadn’t offered me a ride to the airport, I would have missed my flight. The man who helped me had nothing to gain, not materially, anyway. Why did he stop to help? Why does anyone help a stranger? Lissa Rankin, M.D. in Psychology Today, believes the desire to alleviate suffering is innate to humans. That, and when we put ourselves out for someone else, we get positive internal feedback. There may be more to it than that, but her suggestions sound reasonable. Speaking from personal experience, even witnessing a kindness, lifts you up.
To flip the question, why does it matter so very much to the recipient? That is, apart from practicalities? Turns out there’s a scientific answer. According to the NIH, humans can handle stress better when they have social support. If you’re looking for something measurable, look to lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels and decreased “cardiovascular reactivity” exhibited when people feel they aren’t alone in their struggles.
And I said all that to say ...
Quite often, I speak before I think things through completely, and later I agonize over my quick tongue. Unfortunately, I have not always been as speedy with my thanks to those who have shown me great kindness. Sometimes I am so preoccupied with the task at hand that I fail to behave appropriately. Other times, I simply don’t realize the great gift of support I am being handed.
Hopefully, this little post will reach a few of the individuals who have done their best to make my small problems even smaller. So here’s a shout-out to Coach Pendleton, the Cummins’ manager who was a good Samaritan on I-465 in Indianapolis, and the Delta pilot who upgraded my ticket on a return flight to Indy because he saw I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Those are but a few examples, and none of them are recent.
I see room for improvement in expressing my gratitude as loudly as I do life’s little irritations. But I also see that we make lasting impressions, sometimes without even considering that prospect. Wouldn’t life be better if they were all positive?
My Master’s is in Counseling. My toughest task was sitting a room with either self-absorbed asshats or troubled souls. No ropes involved!
At least my ropes were once and done. 😉
I live in a nice Assisted Living facility and being a senior require a lot of help. It is amazing how folks here look for opportunities to help each other along with age differences. Some of us don’t know others name but what a smile when we have helped someone.! Good blog!!
Great job on overcoming your fear of heights and climbing to the top! But, then again, I wouldn’t have doubted that you could do it. Oh, I did sing the song at the beginning. 😄
Thanks, but I didn’t overcome my fear of heights. I just kept looking up instead of down. I did stop once and ask if someone could bring me a bottle of water, but I didn’t get any takers. Anyway, once I got to the top, there was no way to get out of the situation without going down on the swing. Glad I did it, but it won’t be happening again.