There was nothing wrong with being a homebody. There was nothing wrong with not wanting – not needing – the constant jostle and noise of a party or bar or… whatever. ~ Jack of Kinrowan: Jack the Giant-Killer / Drink Down the Moon
Whew! What a relief. I thought there was something wrong with me. I’d rather be home than anywhere else, and didn’t realize there were so many others like me. I may, however, be more attached to home than average, and lately I’ve wondered why. What causes that desire to get home the minute I leave the house?
The Path to Comfort
Who knew there was so much online about people who’d rather stay at home? Every question I posed had a corresponding article:
- Do people’s preferences for outings change as they age? Psychology Today, in an article published October 7, 2024, would indicate that is the case. The focus of “Why People Are Spending So Much Time at Home” is not necessarily the focus of this essay, but it does shed some light. The surveys referenced reflect that people under 35 generally spend less time at home than those over 55, which is not surprising.
- So, no one is born with a strong affinity for being a homebody? Medium* weighs in on that question in its December 1, 2025, article. The author, Huma Altaf, describes herself as introverted, but realizes that her colleagues would say otherwise. Ms. Altaf recalls that even as a child, she preferred time alone–engaging in quiet activities in her bedroom rather than playing outside with friends. As an adult, exchanges with colleagues and friends can be draining. Being home alone is not. Well, not usually. *Source: https://medium.com/middle-pause/aging-into-the-homebody-movement-7db6689cc712
- What factors influence the stay-at-home habit? One answer is from Vanessa Dewsbury, who suggests that many imaginative and creative people need quiet time to let their thoughts drift where they will. No time constraints, no “holding up your end of the conversation” required. Also, Real Simple’s research** indicates that those with higher incomes and college degrees are more likely to relax at home rather than elsewhere. Wouldn’t have guessed that. **Source: https://www.realsimple.com/health-effects-americans-spending-more-time-at-home-8727414
But there’s more. Well, much more in each of the articles*, but there’s more to the explanation, too. *Disclaimer: The preference for solitude can stem from both physiological and psychological causes that require professional attention. My comments in this essay assume generally good physical and mental health.
The Psychology Behind the Preference
In Dewsbury’s article, she explores the idea that, for some of us, the world provides too much stimulation. Certainly, that is the case for introverts, and it may be for others, as well. Anyone who is emotionally sensitive absorbs the energy of every exchange, and those experiences can be overwhelming. The only way to recharge is to hole up, if you will, in a place that asks no questions and tells no lies.
Dewsbury mentions an acronym I hadn’t heard before, JOMO. Joy of Missing Out. It’s the opposite of FOMO, Fear of Missing Out. It represents an intentional and altogether agreeable decision to choose “presence, peace, and emotional balance over constant socializing”. About half of the population requires what I’d consider an excessive degree of hobnobbing. They want to party hardy and often. Others celebrate days that can be spent without leaving their neighborhoods.
Where Does That Leave Us?
Still wondering. Apparently, there are conjectures, but no consensus. Perhaps both genetics and environment enter into the process. Here’s what we know, though. Even though economic and scheduling constraints influence decisions about how frequently we intentionally socialize, there are other elements. At home, we have control of our environments–the noise level, the lighting, time spent reading (or not), and the ability to speak. Or not. Control issues so often play into our state of mind. We are, by and large, in the catbird seat at home more than we are anywhere else.
For me, home is not only about the aforementioned factors, but also apparel choices and the ability to limit my morning facial routine to moisturizer. Possibly sunscreen. But yes, it’s mostly about capping conversation opportunities. Make no mistake, when I leave for church, lunch with a friend, or a volunteer opportunity, I do it joyfully. But I also come home that way. I have a habit of revisiting every aspect of my day to learn lessons, and the less I communicate, the better my self-audit scores look.
Did I “become” a homebody? I honestly don’t recall whether I’ve always felt this way. I do remember, however, that I suffered from extreme homesickness while on a ten-day, overseas trip more than a decade ago. Apart from that, I can’t think of occasions when I became distraught at my inability to stay put. Of course, that was before retirement, and I had less discretionary time. These days, I have a choice. Home is full of books, writing materials, my cat, and a thermostat I can change at will.
For most of us, quality of life doesn’t depend on whether we enjoy time in our respective abodes or out on the town. That is, being a homebody is neither a positive characteristic nor a flaw. But knowing yourself–what replenishes your spirit and what depletes it–can be instrumental in making choices you can happily live with.
Sing it, Sister! “My thoughts exactly”!