If then, I were asked for the most important advice I could give, that which I considered to be the most useful to the men of our century, I should simply say: in the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you. ~ Leo Tolstoy, Essays, Letters and Miscellanies
Do you ever watch people walking around in a big box store? Window shopping on a busy street? Relaxing in a casual dining establishment? I do. I used to do it all the time, just for entertainment. Well, I still look at the passersby, those glued to bar stools and even browsers at the bookstore, but the purpose has changed.
A few years ago I met a group of people intent on developing life skills. And I’m not talking about sweet conversations or methods to persuade. Those skills were more on the order of keeping body and soul in the same package. I confess I hadn’t really paid that much attention to my surroundings before–not seriously.
About the same time, I read a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. I began to understand that awareness of others’ movements is not only a very good idea, but one that must be executed intentionally and consistently. And not just for fun. When people are hustling from one department to another in Target or Lowe’s or a supermarket, they are often completely, blissfully unaware of other shoppers. And if you think that could be potentially dicey behavior inside a store, consider how much the risk factor could increase in low-traffic parking areas.
Further, recall how often you return to your car after shopping or visiting a friend, and you look at your phone or put on your seat belt before you lock the door. Have you ever sat there, lost in space after seeing a text you just had to read? It is physiologically impossible to concentrate on two things at a time. Despite your best efforts, you can’t multi-task, not without both tasks suffering. Are you taking care of your social life, or your physical one? Which is more critical? Rhetorical, that, but you see why I ask. If not, read on.
If you ever watch Snapped or if you read any Ann Rule true crime novels, you might see a pattern in the victim selection. Assuming there isn’t a relationship that sparks an assault, you see easy pickings—people unaware of their surroundings. Were they considered soft targets because they were focused on their phones to access GPS, in the middle of a conversation, or perhaps scrolling through social media?
Another contributor, in my opinion, is that most people have good (okay, perhaps just passable) manners. Couldn’t this create opportunities for those whose behavior isn’t so stellar? That is, the majority of the population doesn’t return stares, or reject offers to help with packages when returning to our cars after shopping, for fear of being rude. Many people either take the help or try to soften the rejection.
So, count me guilty here on both counts. I am an introvert and I don’t really enjoy making eye contact with total strangers. You know, to make sure they’re aware that I’m aware of them. And I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by asserting my need to be entirely alone on the short walk to my car. However, I also feel an overpowering need to get home safely, and my well-being has to begin with decisions that prioritize self-preservation.
My mama raised me to be polite. All of it didn’t stick; I won’t lie. Still, that makes it hard to be assertive in a non-business situation. It absolutely makes it difficult to challenge a stranger’s motives, but I’m going to work on it.
You?
My first thought was remembering that our little 15 lb. dog squats, then looks over her shoulder at her surroundings. I think it is innate in animals that in a vulnerable position it is prudent to scope out the landscape. That example doesn’t apply to the human species, but still, it is prudent to be aware. This is hard for me. I’ve always lived in small towns, and doubt that the unthinkable could happen to me!
I know exactly where you’re coming from, but even our mid-20th century cocoon wasn’t without a few blips. That, and feeling secure doesn’t make it so. Be safe.
I run 2 to 3 times a week. Setting aside opinions on my choice to run, I generally run alone. I ALWAYS make eye contact with the people I pass and acknowledge their presence. Do I do this because I’m feeling especially friendly while sweating and gasping for breath? No. I do it to reduce the chance that I’ll be seen as the easy victim. I cannot tell you how many other single women runners never look up.
I see that type of behavior ALL the time. Eyes glued to the phone or completely oblivious for another reason. That casual approach isn’t wise unless you’re in a secure area. I have no idea what people are thinking. Perhaps they aren’t.