Things that are too perfect for us don’t attract us. They are like a slippery floor having no friction at all. We desire some friction… some flaws… something to work upon.
~
Some of us avoid people and things that are too perfect. As a society, we only seem to actively pursue stellar when there’s no life safety risk.* Why is that? When it comes to socializing with people who are obviously smarter and better looking than we are, it impacts our self-worth, and not in a good way. That opinion was mentioned in a few articles I found: A 2022 write-up in Intentional Living and an article in Psychology Today by Mel Schwarz.
Both authors agree that the pursuit of perfection, either for ourselves or finding it in another human, is a bad idea. If we did find a perfect person, would we enjoy spending time with someone who, simply by being present, reminds us of our flaws? And if we’re looking for perfection in ourselves, we’re destined to find only disappointment.
*Some of you would argue this point, saying that when you were in the hunt you looked for the best-looking or the richest guy to date. Just ask yourself – perfect in every way? Still with that person? Asking for a friend.
Even when we contemplate buildings or other inanimate objects, we seem to gravitate to the very old. Perhaps with those objects, we are prone to romanticizing life from centuries ago. But we also actually celebrate flaws. The most spectacular example I can find is the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Construction began in the 12th century and continued for 200 years according to the tower’s official site. In that same site, the building is hailed for being a “miracle of medieval engineering.” Really? This building began to tilt during construction, at about the third story. The slight curvature is intentional, as builders [thereafter] attempted to stabilize the building by counter-balancing the weight of the higher levels. The architects of the first phase are a mystery.* Yeah, I’d keep my name out of that, too. But back to the Tower’s objective attributes:
- Originally ~196′ tall – about 14 stories high if it was a U.S. building
- Currently ~186′ – on the high side. Lower side is more than 2 1/2 ft shorter. It is more than 16′ off vertical.
- 251 steps to top.
- Cost to walk up is about 22 € – just over $23 U.S., and that doesn’t include entry to the other buildings on site. By the way, the cathedral is sinking, too.
- Pisa, according to the site, comes from a Greek word that referred to marshy land. That might have been a clue.
No matter, people do visit this building with a faulty foundation and a curve in its silhouette. I’ve been there myself and watched people pose to appear to be holding the building up. Something needs to. That said, the Tower of Pisa has been standing (not tall, but still) for a thousand years. That says something, all by itself.
*It’s unverified, but they may have been Bonanno Pisano and Gherardo din Gherardo.
Apart from being drawn to buildings that aren’t close to perfect, we also loiter in “antique” stores. Artists gush over opportunities to render their versions of deteriorating barns and old cars and appliances that haven’t been in use for decades. There may be other reasons, but perhaps it’s just that old, decrepit objects and other displays of imperfections (bloopers, for example) make us feel better about our own inadequacies and our own journey toward maturity, if you will.
So all of that makes me wonder why I appeal to individuals who, I guess, find me amusing. Am I that person who makes other people feel good about themselves? If so, what does that say about me? And do I care?
And what does that say about my choices – about the people whose company I really enjoy? I can tell you for sure I don’t look for damaged goods when it comes to friend material. I do expect, however, that I am looking for people I can relate to, and if they are perfect, that quality can’t be met.
I think I’ll just be happy people put up with me. They surely wouldn’t if I was perfect or even if I appeared to be perfect. We’re always learning about ourselves, right? If my shortcomings give other people comfort, I guess that’s a good thing.
You?
For me I enjoy positive, grateful people. Not perfect (none of us are) but those who use their God given talents to preserve and improve what they can.
Love that!