Nice words and nice appearance doesn’t conclude that someone is nice, I believe that the nicer you look, the more deceptive you appear. ~Michael Bassey Johnson
Everybody experiences regret, and those occasions provide opportunities for self-teaching moments. This page includes some of those moments I’ve enjoyed (endured?), as well as random topics that intrigue me. Most often they’ll be general interest items, but sometimes my insurance background will bubble up and only my insurance peeps will be entertained. I make no apology. Indeed, I invite you to read those as well. You might see something you find valuable. Either way, I hope to give you something robust for your intellectual digestion.
With that in mind, I will be sharing some ideas. Some of the topics will be serious. Some silly. Think of a Jackson Pollock painting, but with a purpose unaffiliated with art. I won’t guarantee that the subject matter will be anxiety-free, but don’t anticipate anything you’ll see on the news. Or Dateline. And so we begin.
Wise men have said that you don’t get a second chance at a first impression, but that isn’t always the case.
Is there someone in your circle of acquaintances with whom you must occasionally interact, but about whom you are ambivalent? Was your opinion of this person (we’ll use the name Lynn) formed immediately upon the initial meeting? If so, do Lynn’s social skills, demeanor or some other characteristic strike you as so different from your usual friend expectations that you haven’t made an effort to get better acquainted? When considering people to include for a book club or a coffee klatch, does Lynn’s name hover briefly in your mental list before vaporizing? Think you might be doing the right thing to include Lynn, but you just can’t make yourself move in that direction? Me, too. Actually, that’s happened more than once, either at school or work or church. And sometimes I learned my first impression was erroneous.
To illustrate, consider a very good friend of mine, Deanna Summers. She was a co-worker in a St. Louis insurance office decades ago. I hate to admit that when Deanna first joined our department, I did not think we would be fast friends. Sadly, I felt that way for some months. She was just too happy. Too Pollyanna. Too compliant. Was she too timid to voice her opinions? Was she genuinely that content with whatever decision was made? In fairness, we had few interactions early on, as she joined another manager’s team upon relocating to our Region. That changed when she transferred to my team and moved to the cubicle adjacent to mine.
As I got to know her better, I realized that while she was indeed quite nice, none of my other assumptions were accurate. Deanna had, and still has, strong opinions and doesn’t mind voicing them. She’s just much smarter than I am about about when and in whose presence she verbalizes. She is quick-witted and intelligent, yet kind enough to laugh at my attempts at humor. Deanna also has a knack for persuading me to look at things from different perspectives in a way that doesn’t put my back up—an impressive feat in some instances. It was my good fortune to have met her and it is even better fortune to be her friend. This quote by Malcolm Gladwell has a different take on impressions than most pundits, and I have warmed up to his version, “Our first impressions are generated by our experiences and our environment, which means that we can change our first impressions… by changing the experiences that comprise those impressions.”
Yeah, but. That can go in a different direction. I have encountered new acquaintances who appeared to hold similar views and compatible communication styles. And then. Not. Not similar. Not compatible. Not genuine. Was it my mistake to buy in too quickly? Is this what has taught me to approach all budding relationships with a dose of skepticism?
Even in professional settings, I have not always been blessed—you know, with people I was forced to interact with solely for business purposes. Some added nothing to any conversation without attempting to draw attention to themselves. Others spoke often, and with confidence, but had no substance. However, those people offer lessons, too, even if it’s only to exhibit what can be annoying. Everyone sets an example—either of behaviors to emulate or those to avoid. Perhaps I should learn from all of them. And perhaps I can cut everyone more slack until I know they don’t merit the favor.
You?
