The less you talk, the more you’re listened to. ~ Abigail Van Buren
I began my first non-babysitting job when I was 16, and that was a number of years ago. I’m sharing the timeline so you will grasp the great number of managers I’ve dealt with during my workforce experience. Yes, some of these I’ve mentioned in a previous post, but this is a different message. This post can apply to any type of scenario where you are required to shush and listen.
For good or evil, the experiences we most often recall are those where we learned what not to do, but there’s always a bright and shining star. We’ll have a few of each. First I’ll describe two examples of negative learning opportunities. Here we go.
One individual was not my direct boss but in the same department. He often led the charge for stand-up meetings, corporate announcements, and gatherings to prepare business travelers for their next foray into the field. He addressed the group more often than others, perhaps because he was comfortable in that role. Can’t say. What I remember well is that he was engaging. Sadly, I couldn’t always recall any substantive portion of his talk even ten minutes after we left the room. Occasionally I left his train of thought, mid-journey, and boarded my own locomotive. His delivery was smooth, but not always effective. Perhaps he over-explained. That’s one type of communication deficit. Let’s look at another.
Switching gears to a non-business example – as a young person I attended a church that I really enjoyed. One of the leaders, a wonderful, caring man, had a hard time staying on point. Often his message was lost in the subplot. And he was so easy to tune out. Especially after the 20-minute mark came and went. I doubt I was the only one who had difficulty separating the wheat from the chaff.
At the other end of the spectrum, some of the best on-point messages I recall were delivered by a manager from well over a decade ago. He used words like they were $50 a syllable. Not much of a talker. Here are two examples:
- At a point in time, I had a bit of an attitude at work. Ok. To be fair, I often had an attitude, but I’m addressing one particular season. Anyway, my manager invited me to go to lunch one day. Suspecting nothing but an industry-related discussion, I looked forward to it. All was well until we had finished lunch and he said something like, “You are not a manager, but people are watching you and some are emulating your behavior, even when I’d rather they didn’t. I need you to lead by example.” That was it. Never another word, but he didn’t need to say anything else.
- On a happier day, we had just completed an out-of-state audit during which I led one portion of the process. That was something I hadn’t done before, so it was uncharted territory for me. As we were leaving the office building, he looked at me and said, “Good job.” That was it. It still makes me happy to remember those two short words.
I don’t recall every thought I ever had while that manager was talking, but I know I never thought, “The more you say, the less I hear.”
If you’re paying attention, you’ll see that I described the poor communicators’ styles, but I remembered nothing they said. I don’t know if I simply have a short attention span or if everyone feels the same way, but the fact is that I get much more out of concise, to-the-point communication. Messages can be short without short-changing the audience. This is addressed in an article by BetterUp, Talk Less and Listen More. If you have time to read it, you’ll see that listening more can actually shore up your credibility when you do talk and that you learn more with your mouth shut. Don’t shoot the messenger. I have a lot to learn in that category, too. And even more to learn when it comes to execution.
Here’s another slant on communication.
My brother says that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it float on its back. Yes, I know that’s an aberration. Nonetheless, here’s his perspective. You cannot make people do something they do not want to do. You certainly cannot make people do what they cannot do.
- Some might disagree and say you can make people do things. I would say you can make them go through the motions, but you may not like the result. Been there. Done that. I won’t get too specific, but until and unless I believe in the reason for something, I won’t throw my heart into it.
- You might also question why someone can’t do something. The fact is that sometimes decisions are made by folks who know their own jobs but may not know all the details involved in the execution of the decisions they make. When that’s the case, a valid impediment may make implementation incredibly difficult for those assigned to the task.
The points above provide additional reasons to make “talks” short and allow time for discussion. As Calvin Coolidge saw it, “No man ever listened himself out of a job.”
I used to be the one behind the lectern, so I’m familiar with the urge I had to hold the floor. But I was also passionate about giving students the opportunity to grasp the concepts they need to absorb. Sometimes the material I needed to cover was a bit too robust for the time allotted.
According to an article published in The Art of Keynoting by Alf Rehn, you’re pushing it to address more than one point in 20 minutes. If the speaker isn’t focused, it inhibits the ability of the audience to comprehend. A combination of scattered thoughts and an extended presentation is a non-starter.
As Dear Abby said (paraphrased), the less you say, the more people will hear. I’m wondering if my participants remember anything I said. Maybe they just remember my communication style? Introspection can be painful.
For now the lectern is gone, but there are still occasions when I’m charged to convey information. I need to remember to shell it out appetizer style, since that how I’d prefer to consume it.
You?
I’m with you all the way! Long, over detailed messages make me anxious
I would describe my response more in the vein of annoyance and resentment for wasting my time. 😉
When your audience knows you, they have already decided how much ear to give you.
I hadn’t considered that, but I’m sure you are correct. It’s too bad we can’t [always] exit conversation when we know how it’s going to roll out.
You will always have wisdom to share, Gayle. I can’t wait to read all of these. Thank you for making me reflect on my own shortcomings and for allowing me to play a fun little game of Guess the Manager.
Many of my reflections take me way back, but there is always the possibility you’ll recognize someone. Or some procedure. Or maybe someone you’d like to smack, if you didn’t have a mortgage. 😉 Some of my writing is simply for the joy of learning about things I hadn’t thought of before. So glad you’re coming along for the ride.