If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person. ~ Letters from a Stoic
True, perhaps. Who am I to argue with Seneca? But I prefer this one:
To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time. ~
Too many people appear to be stressed these days, and they aren’t all accepting it the same way. Why is that? And why does it matter?
As always, any commentary not linked to outside resources is just my opinion, and I am not a doctor. Not even a Ph.D. This post and all posts are intended to provoke thought. If you have chronic stress symptoms, please see a doctor.
To end on a high note, we'll start at the low end
You may have observed that when you hear someone say, “I am so stressed,” the tone always indicates the sky is falling. I have taken that route myself. Often. I could probably write this whole post without a single external reference, other than the quotes, but I wouldn’t learn anything that way. In any case, you probably could create this list of stressors yourself:
- Ineffective boss (trying to be diplomatic here)
- Family health issues
- Financial concerns
- Relationships with friends, children, in-laws, spouse, co-workers
- Other drivers
- Passengers in a car that “you” are driving
- Self-imposed deadlines you haven’t met
- The news
- The world
This is a small sampling and I am not denying any one of the items can create angst. That said, not all of them are life-altering. How do they carry so much weight?
physiological causes
A human’s reaction to encountering stress is to trigger the release of hormones. Most of us know this, but Web MD reinforces the fact. The sudden surge of adrenaline focuses your body on the perceived danger to prepare for either “fight or flight.” The hormones usually subside in short order, but when the stressor remains, sometimes the amped-up hormones do as well. The article goes on to state that keeping your body chronically stressed leads to long-term health issues: depression, high blood pressure, and heart disease, to name a few. So how does it get to that point?
We do it to ourselves, in part. Worrying increases our stress level and it isn’t productive. Worse, our bodies may be reacting, or overreacting, to a threat that doesn’t exist. Or one that is out of our control. Need examples? Here you go, courtesy of Web MD, but you may not need them.
We watch the news and the state of the world, or even local events, are disturbing. You don’t know whether conditions will improve or deteriorate. It’s unnerving. Another is change. It is stressful, even when the change is something you asked for, like moving to another city or even going to a different church. And then there are expectations. As I have said many times, “The key to happiness is managing your expectations.” I’m not saying you should be like Eeyore and bray into the wind constantly, but if you expect perfection, you are destined to be disappointed. And possibly stressed.
The upside
The whole point of fight or flight hormones increasing your heart rate, creating muscular tension and heavy breathing is to prepare you to do something. Push harder the last few yards to win a race. Prepare better for that job interview. Become more aware in a situation that does, in fact, present physical danger. We’re built that way for a reason. What we’re not built for is worrying ourselves into a grave before our time.
Some of us, and occasionally that includes me, use that adrenaline to determine our next actions, much the same way we listen to our conscience. However, hormones generate a physical reaction, not a mental one. They serve as a motivation to handle whatever is looming, whether it’s scheduling monthly bill payments or completing continuing education requirements or cramming for an exam (that’s my area of expertise) or something bigger. Something that matters. Maybe there’s a toothache that just won’t let up, or perhaps a scratch or insect bite that won’t heal. If it’s enough of an issue to stress over, shouldn’t it be enough of an issue to act on?
Why do stressors carry so much weight? Because we let them.
To be clear, worrying doesn’t fit under the massive umbrella of “doing something.” If a problem is living rent-free in your head, you might need to evict it. Of course, we (all of us) are not the first to worry excessively. Otherwise Luke would not have said. “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” Chapter 12, verse 25. Some scholars think The Gospel According to Luke was written around 60 AD, but regardless of the actual date, the habit of resorting to worry as a default activity is not groundbreaking.
Of course, we don’t all react the same way to changes in our health, lifestyle, or work environment. As an example, I generally obsess less over things I can’t change, even if the problem is serious. I tend to pray about the big stuff and attempt to avoid pulling my Worry List back over to my side of the line. That means I do agonize over the things I believe I can control. That’s ridiculous. If I can control it, why brood? Why not simply make the fix to the extent possible?
Clearly, life throws us headaches and grief and challenges that are hard to face. But we choose our reactions. I saw a meme on Facebook that read, “Try to heal even though you’re waiting for apologies.” What? Someone hurt you and you decide to carry around the pain because that individual hasn’t said sorry? You can’t just use your little whisk broom to sweep it out of your head and move on? I’m a simple person and perhaps I over-simplify complex issues. But I’m not alone in my perspective; smarter people have similar concerns.
I’m reading Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier, and it mentions a related topic. One of Shrier’s observations is that excessive self-reflection is counterproductive. “Am I sad? Is there something bothering me? Am I being treated fairly? ” You will probably find what you’re looking for when the target is negative emotions. It just seems that focusing on almost anything other than what is worrisome will be a better use of time.
In support of that hypothesis, I give you Glenn Cunningham (post from 2-1-24). I’m confident he didn’t obsess over his burned legs and feet. If he had, he would have been wheelchair-bound and most likely depressed. As I mentioned above, I’m not a medical professional, but in my own life, the biggest stress relievers I’ve found serve to shift my focus: losing myself in a thought-provoking book, immersing myself in a writing project, and working/learning with a dedicated group of volunteers. All of these things serve to reduce fruitless worrying. Further, if you have time to watch the video below, you’ll see that the impact of heavy stressors (a loved one’s death, for example) is mitigated by reaching out to help others. It turns out that there’s no better way to forget my troubles than to be supportive of someone else who is hurting. Because life is better when my attention is outside my head. Not in it.
You?
