Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible, and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer. ~ The Lord of the Rings
Sometimes we have strong feelings–or opinions–about a book, a movie, or news we just received. Sometimes we don’t have enough information to justify those reactions. Sometimes we’re justified, but then we take it a step further and sprinkle the “joy” around onto places it isn’t necessarily needed. Allow me to illustrate two perspectives, starting with a very short story.
The case of overlooked details
Recently I visited my local medical laboratory for a routine blood draw. I knew the results would be available to my doctor well in advance of our upcoming appointment, and they were. They dribbled into the patient portal over a two-day period, one after another, each one heralded by an email to announce its completion. Of course I was curious, so I took a peek: Normal range over and over until a certain point, then a few that were off the scale.
While I am not a hypochondriac, I realize that I have much less time left than I have spent, and that is why some of those results alarmed me. Big time. I sent a message to my doctor to make sure she knew the labs were online and waiting for her review. When I saw her phone number on an incoming call, I became further alarmed. But. Almost the first thing out of her mouth was, “Some of the numbers are outside of range, but they are trending downward.” That is, I wasn’t paying attention to what had gone before. If I had, I could have saved myself no small amount of anxiety.
It isn’t always about me. though, is it? Sometimes our thoughts evolve into comments that impact someone else’s experience.
Looking at it from the other side
Have you ever been the first of your friends to see a just-released movie that you really didn’t like? The storyline wasn’t credible in parts or the dialogue in one scene contained factual errors, for example. So when your friends asked for a review, did you say all of that? Or did you moderate your response? You probably want to keep your friend from wasting money, so you might blast it. Or is that just me?
Back in 1991, Universal Pictures released Fried Green Tomatoes, which grossed over $119 million on an $11 million budget. Clearly, it was a fan favorite. I liked it, too, other than sketchy barbecue implications and one other issue: Kathy Bates’ line when she yelled at the teenagers, “I’m older and I have more insurance!” That made (and continues to make) no sense to me, whatsoever, and I know more about insurance than anyone wants to hear about. Yes, I know I ended that line with a preposition. Relax.
Here’s the thing. Most people are blissfully ignorant of details that cause some of us to roll our eyes. My veteran husband was the same way when we watched Hawaii and some of the aircraft used were not era-appropriate. Or was that the ships? I forget. See? Most people don’t care. Maybe they need a truthful review, but not all the truth. Why? Let’s talk about that.
The power of influence and inadequate context
We may hold more sway over friends than we think. They might take a pass on a movie or a book they’d been looking forward to just because you raked it over the coals. Too many snap decisions and off-the-cuff comments can needlessly spoil a moment. Or a day. Am I saying we shouldn’t be honest? Nah. But, I am saying *I* should definitely be honest with myself before I share opinions with others. That is, shouldn’t I examine what specific characteristics of a movie/book/whatever annoy me and determine whether I’m the only person for whom that would be a hiccup? If so, isn’t it only fair to excise that bit when commenting on it? That question isn’t rhetorical. What do you think?
And, as I mentioned in the section above, the damage can be self-inflicted. My pre-histrionics with my lab results grew out of proportion solely because I was relying only on my own perception. My limited knowledge. I began to worry hours before a highly respected professional had an opportunity to read the results. What did someone say about “leaning on your own understanding”? It’s easy to get wound up when I don’t have all the facts, or if I am not interpreting them correctly.
And that’s what happens when I drop the whole load onto a friend who asks me how I liked … whatever. They get my skewed perspective, based on my work experience, my obsession with grammar, and a bucket load of other baggage I haul around with relish. And they might miss entertainment or a story that they would enjoy, just because I’m excessively persnickety. That would be a shame.
But seriously, friends don’t let friends read Goldfinch. Details available upon request. 😉
Every time I see a goldfinch at the bird feeder I remember the soul sucking experience of reading that book. 🫤
I remember thinking, do people really live this experience?
The one thing that book did for me was to illustrate the useless, if not damaging, proposition that every book begun must be completed. That was at least 12 hours of my life I’ll never get back. That, and by the time it was over, even I wanted to murder the main character. 🙄
must say you brought up memory of the typical type of joke I like. So the the young southern bell says to the yankee socialite, “So, where you from?” To which the yankee socialite says, “From a place where we are educated well enough not to end a sentence with a preposition. The southern bell responds, “okay, so where you from, bitch?”
Sigh.
You got it, Girl. In our own minds we are always right … at least at the moment. Think twice and speak once, right? Or maybe don’t speak at all. Now that last sentence was all messed up. 😊
Don’t know if I can do that “don’t speak at all” and doubt if I’ll try it. I might try to think more and speak less. 😉
The arrogance between my ears is astonishing. A little humility now and then goes a long way.
Every single time I get my comeuppance I realize I deserved it. Sadly, that feeling fades. Rinse. Repeat. 🙄