How would your life be different if …you walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day … you speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same. ~Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth and Being Free
For as long as I can remember, gossiping has been right up there with the seven deadly sins. I heard all about it from my Mother, my Junior High and High School teachers, my Sunday School teachers, and several preachers. Almost everyone agrees on the negative features of gossip. So why do we do it? Well, it started a very long time ago, about the same time our species learned to communicate – perhaps more than a million years ago.
How did they keep the peace back then?
Back in the day of the Neanderthalensis, the Homo Denisova, and the Homo Sapiens. Only the latter remain. An article on Metode’s website tells us that what we now call gossip may well have been why the Homo Sapiens now cover the earth. No Neanderthals. No Homo Denisova, whatever those were. You haven’t seen either in a Buc-ee’s lately, have you?
Anyway, originally these three groups had similar-sized populations. The Homo Sapiens had progressed to the point that they could communicate, and that made all the difference. They could strategize when they recognized approaching enemies or other dangers. Naturally, when communication was possible, it wasn’t only about the next zebra or antelope they were going to put on top of hot stones in a pit. Think of it as the first slow cooker. Hey, I’m not making this stuff up. But back to order.
Talking, gossiping or whatever, made the groups more cohesive than the less organized Neanderthalenis and the Homo Denisova. And they needed to be. It wasn’t as though they had an emergency number to call. Wait. That was before phones. And there were no policemen or EMTs.
There is another theory on the value of gossiping and we’ll touch on that next.
But it wasn't only about strategies
I recently read some content posted by Terry Vaughan on LinkedIn, and his perspective is a bit different from Metode’s. Not surprising, given his background, but more about Terry later. Back to gossip.
As I mentioned earlier, the communities a few hundred thousand years ago were small, just a few more people than were in my high school class. I knew everybody and so did they. Now their communication skills may not have been as robust as ours, but they could get their messages across.
Terry’s perspective (found here) is that “Gossip is like a social watchdog, keeping everyone in check, one rumor at a time.” While Homo Sapiens didn’t receive salaries, social status was tied to survival. If word got around that an individual wasn’t pulling the load expected, the consequences might be as dire as expulsion from the community, and that was the same as the death penalty. I mean, I would have had a hard time surviving even in a group, and the thought of having to do without running water or heat? All by myself? No.
You might want to take a look at Terry’s site. You’ll learn stuff you need to know. You can tell from the first paragraph that his perspective leans toward personal safety and awareness. He is a “body safety expert… and a former British Royal Marines Commando.” Read his blogs and watch videos. If you get the opportunity to see his presentations in person, do it.
well, we've evolved since then
If I had lived when Homo Sapiens were the smartest guys around, I would be enthusiastic about reinforcing guardrails. Wait, didn’t I say just a week ago (?) that I needed to work on my communication skills? Let me begin again. To reinforce the culture and the community norms, I’d be a proponent of gossip. These days, it makes me feel a bit slimy. That is, unless the topic is a concern for a friend who’s going through a rough patch, or perhaps I’m learning about a new neighbor I’d like to meet. Gossip isn’t always a bad thing, as mentioned in an article by Outside Online. For example, you might learn through casual conversation that a colleague steals ideas. If that’s the case, you need to share your work with a higher pay grade to avoid someone else taking credit. I have had that experience myself.
Though gossip has had a bad reputation for at least 60 years, those conversations aren’t always negative. Sometimes people discuss their last vacation, the movies they have seen or books they have read. However, the conversations that could damage someone’s reputation are lethal.
Terry Vaughan shares that this is an incredible opportunity for HR departments to design training to channel gossip in a positive direction. Humans are, at heart, innately social and they will talk. If they can be encouraged to focus on the positive side, both the organization and the individuals will profit from the increase in positivity.
Let's wrap this up
The video below makes suggestions about extricating yourself from people who gossip in a negative way. I am all for it, but I am also the kind of person who avoids confrontations. I’m not sure I could follow his advice, even though it appears sound. Outside Online also offers suggestions. I’m not sure what I’ll do the next time I have the opportunity to back away.
You?
