We are like books. Most people only see our cover, the minority read only the introduction, many people believe the critics. Few will know our content. ~Emile Zola
Why is a glass of tea the focus of the featured image, but the quote has to do with books? Good question. Technically, this post is not about tea, and it isn’t about books. It’s about assessing those items. I’ll connect the dots shortly. In the meantime, please ignore whatever kind of plant life is jutting up out of the tea.
To begin, let’s say I order unsweet tea at a fast food drive-through, pay for it, and move on down to the fulfillment window. The employee at that station hands me a cup full of something. Its appearance tells me a little, but not everything I need to know. I check to make sure it isn’t carbonated, that they didn’t accidentally give me Coca-Cola. After I confirm it’s tea, I move on to clarity. If it’s cloudy, I might assume it isn’t fresh, but that might not be the case.
According to Red Rose Tea, adding cold water or ice to freshly brewed tea (before it cools to room temperature) can cause cloudiness. That is, the tea might be fresh (and tasty) even though its appearance is unfortunate and it doesn’t look perfect.
Likewise, a beautiful, clear, red-orange tint doesn’t guarantee good flavor. Even when the brewer (?) handles the prep perfectly, the tea might be past its prime. What’s equally important to me is that it has no sugar in it, if that’s the way I placed the order. And how would I tell whether it’s fresh, or if it’s so sweet it’s going to spike your blood sugar? By asking a friend to check it out? No, you have to taste it yourself.
In much the same way, you can’t look at the cover of a book and have any level of confidence about the content. In fact you might only determine that the artwork is good and that the author’s name is spelled correctly.
You might know the topic and you might think the author usually does a good job. What does that prove? I have read–or started reading–a number of books by good authors who had a few stinkers in the mix. Should I just rely on the reviews? Probably not, since some people review books they haven’t read. That, and sometimes people aren’t strictly honest with their feedback. No, really.
Here’s an example. Millions of readers liked The Goldfinch, my sister-in-law among them. Me? Not so much. I felt that by reading the whole thing I lost around 14 hours that I can never get back. Every minute I was hoping against hope it would get better. No joy.
You can’t have comprehensive knowledge of any book until you read it. You have to invest the time to earn the right to say, “Well written book with complex and satisfying plot lines.” Or, “This was the worst piece of self-absorbed, self-indulgent drivel I’ve ever had the misfortune to lay my eyes on.”
As alluded to in a prior post almost a year ago, appearances can be deceiving when assessing humans, too. I mentioned in that post that I had misjudged a new acquaintance, thinking we had little in common. My opinion rested solely on chance encounters in the employee lunch room and department meetings. It wasn’t until we were on the same team that I really got to know her. As it happens, we were/are quite alike, perhaps to her chagrin. I’m not going to ask her about that. Anyway, I am blessed to still number her among my friends.
In other situations, I have made false assumptions that led to undesirable consequences. For an example I don’t mind sharing here (read my next book for others), I’m going way back. To 1958. It was my first year in school. First grade. We didn’t have public kindergarten in my town at the time, so it was my first experience with school, except for Vacation Bible School.
The teacher, Mrs. Nicholson, had handed out a worksheet, and I had no clue what to do with it. I don’t know whether I wasn’t listening or if she wasn’t clear in her instructions. I suspect the former, because she was a most excellent teacher. But I digress.
I asked the little girl next to me. I’ll call her Maggie since there weren’t any of those in my class. Maggie had beautiful clothes and perfectly coifed hair adorned with a bow every day. She seemed to know what she was doing. I hadn’t known her for long. She didn’t go to our church and that was pretty much the only place I saw other kids. Maggie didn’t mind providing instruction and I did as she advised.
When we got our papers back from Mrs. N., I had a big fat zero, the only one I ever remember earning in any class, at any age. I was devastated. I don’t recall being angry with Maggie, but I never asked her advice again. Perhaps even at that tender age, I recognized that I had made a mistake. I relied on another human before I evaluated her content. That was a tough lesson to learn–that people often have unwarranted confidence. That, and when people speak with confidence, we are inclined to believe them.
Tea Tips from Rainbow Gardens to Apply to Tea, of course (video below)
- Knowing how to interpret your own subjective responses to other people to be able to understand them.
- Asking questions that result in people exposing their:
- Empathy, or lack thereof
- Interests
- Awareness of non-verbals you’re exhibiting
- Ability to measure someone’s willingness to pivot when the conversation turns.
- Use Luzianne’s Tea. Just kidding. The owner of this channel (and I) like it, but use what you want.
- Pay attention when buying tea. If the package indicates it’s for “sweet” tea, it probably already has sugar in it.
- Heat water almost to the point of boiling.
- Steep the bags for 5 minutes only.
- Don’t squeeze the bags when removing.
- Add sweetener while the tea is hot.
On the flip side, I strongly suspect that when people meet me, they may have an opinion that they later change. I am not so ridiculous as to assume they always think more of me once they know me well. It could go either way. I may be an acquired taste, like Stout, or liver & onions, or Spam. Or I might be someone who makes you laugh. You are the only one who can answer that question, and even you can’t answer it without knowing me.
I am not saying all of us should pursue a friendship with every person we meet. Just that perhaps we might consider acknowledging that knowing people takes time. It’s nearly impossible to achieve that state absent hours of non-work conversation. Yes, there will be exceptions. I’d say the Ted Bundy types would fall there, but thank goodness they’re in the minority. And, by the way, while Bundy didn’t look perfect, he looked pretty good. What does that tell you?
I would never hazard a guess on the quality of a glass of tea I’m handed based solely on appearance. I can look at my glass all day long, but I’m never going to know whether I’ll enjoy that second sip before I try the first.
Likewise, I don’t fudge book reviews. My comments are honest, though I may not emphasize grammatical flaws. Is that lying? See? Do I do that, too? Never select books solely on reviews. All that said, I don’t review any book before I have read the whole thing.
In the same way, assessing compatibility with others should not be taken lightly. Introductions to acquaintances only tell you what they sound like, perhaps the extent of their vocabulary, and sometimes clues about where they were raised. But not who they are. Maybe they’ll be sweet. Maybe tart. We don’t know what we’ll find until we make the effort.
Those of you who know me are thinking, “Guurrrrrrlllll! I know I’ve heard you make snap decisions about people based on minuscule data.” Yes, I have. It’s probably time I dropped that inclination. You?
